"I will never live in a city!"
This is the statement I remember repeatedly making growing up. Cities were stressful, and overwhelming, and loud. The chaos happening all around me as I stood among busy streets full of people did something inside me that I couldn't identify at the time. It caused anxiety to swell in my heart. For fear to settle in the depths of my stomach. For panic to strike my lungs, and uncertainty to flood my mind. I couldn't voice what was wrong, but I knew I didn't like it. I knew I wanted nothing to do with it.
Well, here I am, 20 years old and living in the middle of Las Vegas. It's not that I've changed at all. That I'm suddenly a huge fan of cities, and just couldn't wait to get out of my comfortable corn fields of Ohio. Nope, that's not it at all.
Over the past week or so the topic of 'fear' has come up in several different circles of people. And, every time without a doubt, someone has brought up my life.
"Were you scared moving to Las Vegas after the incidents of October 1st?"
"Isn't it hard being so far away from your family"
"Are you homesick?"
"How do your parents feel?"
"Wow, you really don't know anyone out here, do you?"
"Why would you move your whole life?"
"You must be feeling so much uncertainty."
I sit in these circles, almost feeling guilty for not experiencing these very real fears they all bring up. Trying to sympathize with fear, while you yourself are at complete peace, is honestly quite difficult. But the truth is, I'm not some super human who just doesn't experience fear. Actually, quite the opposite is true. Sarah Clem, in and of herself is very fearful . . . of just about everything.
So yes, moving to the other side of the country, to a city where the largest mass shooting in modern U.S. history happened days before, living with strangers, working in a strangers home, being far from all family and friends, should instill great amounts of fear. But it just doesn't. I can say, in complete truth, that this has been the most peaceful season I have ever experienced. I have never been more content in my entire life, more satisfied in my Creator. Following my God has been the least terrifying thing I've ever done. There is no fear in perfect love, and let me tell you, our God knows how to love. Deeply, purely, and intimately.
A friend of mine recently said, "How you fix your fear, is dependent upon where you fix your eyes." And how true that is. When I moved to Vegas three and a half weeks ago I had no idea what this season of life would look like. And honestly, from the time I bought my plane ticket I just didn’t think about it much. That in itself is a miracle for someone who’s flesh naturally overthinks everything. But my Father has been so gracious over the past month to hold me in a way that His face is all I can see. He has held me so tenderly in His arms that my eyes can’t gaze past Him. I can’t take my eyes off of Him because I have fallen madly in love with Him.
When you truly understand the character of the One asking you to step out in faith, there is no longer any fear that He’ll leave you in the midst of the storm, forget to fight your giant, or neglect to multiply your loaves and fish.
Well, here I am, 20 years old and living in the middle of Las Vegas. It's not that I've changed at all. That I'm suddenly a huge fan of cities, and just couldn't wait to get out of my comfortable corn fields of Ohio. Nope, that's not it at all.
Over the past week or so the topic of 'fear' has come up in several different circles of people. And, every time without a doubt, someone has brought up my life.
"Were you scared moving to Las Vegas after the incidents of October 1st?"
"Isn't it hard being so far away from your family"
"Are you homesick?"
"How do your parents feel?"
"Wow, you really don't know anyone out here, do you?"
"Why would you move your whole life?"
"You must be feeling so much uncertainty."
I sit in these circles, almost feeling guilty for not experiencing these very real fears they all bring up. Trying to sympathize with fear, while you yourself are at complete peace, is honestly quite difficult. But the truth is, I'm not some super human who just doesn't experience fear. Actually, quite the opposite is true. Sarah Clem, in and of herself is very fearful . . . of just about everything.
So yes, moving to the other side of the country, to a city where the largest mass shooting in modern U.S. history happened days before, living with strangers, working in a strangers home, being far from all family and friends, should instill great amounts of fear. But it just doesn't. I can say, in complete truth, that this has been the most peaceful season I have ever experienced. I have never been more content in my entire life, more satisfied in my Creator. Following my God has been the least terrifying thing I've ever done. There is no fear in perfect love, and let me tell you, our God knows how to love. Deeply, purely, and intimately.
A friend of mine recently said, "How you fix your fear, is dependent upon where you fix your eyes." And how true that is. When I moved to Vegas three and a half weeks ago I had no idea what this season of life would look like. And honestly, from the time I bought my plane ticket I just didn’t think about it much. That in itself is a miracle for someone who’s flesh naturally overthinks everything. But my Father has been so gracious over the past month to hold me in a way that His face is all I can see. He has held me so tenderly in His arms that my eyes can’t gaze past Him. I can’t take my eyes off of Him because I have fallen madly in love with Him.
When you truly understand the character of the One asking you to step out in faith, there is no longer any fear that He’ll leave you in the midst of the storm, forget to fight your giant, or neglect to multiply your loaves and fish.
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