Vulnerability Breeds Redemption

I hate my sin . . . but not enough to stop sinning, why is that? I think I know what it is when Paul says he has a thorn in his flesh. This constant reminder of his desperate need for a Savior and his immense incapability to save himself. The Father is always so patient to remind him that His grace is sufficient. That the mighty hand of God is all the more powerful when we are weak. I wish I didn't have to experience the seaming failure of sin to see the loving eyes of the Father. But what is joy without first, pain? And what is freedom without first, suffering? My foolish human heart does not know good apart from evil. For it is as Paul says, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." And though I hate my sin, the very thing the enemy meant for destruction, my Father has used for good.

It's a moment of my eyes off of Him, to realize how hopeless the world is apart from Him. The scorching process is not beautiful, it's not pleasant, it's not a luxury, but it is absolutely necessary. One thing I'm certain of is that I have a good Father, and if what He dubs best for me is this scorching of the roots of my soul, I trust that it is for my freedom.

The very act of letting me choose to look the other way is proof of His innate goodness. "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means!" However, even my sin points to the pure character of the lover of my soul, and if that doesn't SCREAM the faithfulness of our Father to you, I don't know what else will. Even the ugliest pieces of our souls cry out in praise to the Father, and oh, what precious proof that is that the Father has always been in pursuit of our hearts. Because in the midst of the anguish and tears He knew we would have to endure, He never wanted us to have a reason to doubt His love for us.

When He says He works all things for our good, it might not look like the "good" we asked for. I would have never told you that this sin struggle for the last 9 years was good. I would have never told you that the addiction and bondage, the isolation and loneliness, the sleepless tear-filled nights, were good. But, the Lord has a way with the wandering heart. For in the midst of darkness our Father declares freedom over us, and brings redemption to every part of our souls. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!"